IF WE LIVE

Richard and Levis talked about negotiations with Morik. Both were deafened by the bombardment; they discussed the delicate and confidential question in loud, hoarse voices.

 “Nothing we can do but smash buildings,” Richard said. “It’s a waste of time and men. “

“And money,” Levis added. “God knows what it’s costing the state to knock down one of those places, but with what take to do the whole city, we could most likely buy the place. “

“And money, Richard agreed. “And votes. The soldiers are already complaining about the foolishness of it. When the next election comes…”

“Right: that’d be reason enough all by itself. Nothing we could get out of it’d be worth letting the Lands back in. You think he’ll really talk?”

 “I think he’ll talk about something. Thea – the woman who visited me – says he wants peace.”

Levis’ eyes were knowing. “You think she’s telling it true? Yonny says she’s the mother of Morik’s son.”

“I do.” Richard said. “Partly because that boy. She’s got to get Morik out of the trap he’s in to save her son.”

 Richard ordered Kern to send out a man with a white flag. Morik replied with alacrity. He agreed to a truce: he would send a single envoy and escort to the Valens’ camp.

They saw the great gate of the castle open. A single rider appeared. “Mele,” Richard said. “Good.”

Levis’ sailors had used a sail to make a pavillion. Richard handed Mele down from her horse and introduced her. They stepped into the shade of a pavilion. “Have you asked him about the Forest countries?”

“And Willen is ours,” Kern added. “A regular part of Valen.”

 Mele nodded. “He recognizes Willen as a province of Valen. It was never a real part of Stablen.” She lowered her voice. “And he gives his word that all his soldiers will leave the Forest countries. But that can’t be a part of any public agreement – it would seem just the kind of surrender he must avoid. He says he will allow you to send a certain number of soldiers to see that he has withdrawn. But they can’t stay; the forests must be neutral.”

“We accept,” Richard said. “From what I saw, nobody can really control the Forests – including the Foresters.”

 Richard and Mele worked quickly through details. Morik would meet Richard at Wawee in one year. Letters could be freely exchanged between the spacers in both countries.

 “One last thing,” Richard said. “I know Morik keeps his word when he gives it, but I think he should give it himself.”

“You mean a handshake or something? Excuse me but once again, Morik can’t meet you. Not with your army threatening the city. “

“And once again,” Richard said. “I understand. But I think Morik must make some kind of gesture of personal involvement in the peace terms. I don’t think it’s wise to have all bargains made by… Well, you’re a foreigner and a woman, Thea. I think you know what I mean.”

“Yes,” Mele said. “I know what most of the people of this country think of foreign women. Morik and I talked about this. There is a way. Do you have a sword?”

“Yes,” Richard said. “For some reason I packed it. I guess I got used to wearing it. Why?”

“A ritual,” Mele said. “On the Hastab, it’s a binding contract. Get the sword. I’ll be back shortly.”

Mele returned to the castle. Richard and Levis watched her grow small against the great facade. “What a prison that place makes.”

            “There’s other kinds of prisons,” Levis said. “She’s the mama of a boy that likely’ll be the next kepta of Stablen.”

“She must’ve thought she had to, to secure their position. “

 “Then she got fond of him,” Levis said.

 “Yes,” Richard said. “Which is a pity. She knows as well as I do that the Hastableners are hardly the best people to give a lot of powerful weapons and tools. But I guess she didn’t have a whole lot of choice.”

Levis nodded, “It’s like Morik’s married a rich widow.”

 “The queen of a very small country,” Richard agreed. “Which happens to contain most of the future.”

 They saw the door in the castle gate open. A troop of black armored soldiers on white horses rode out and formed columns. Two women rode between them.                         Yonny was watching with field glasses. “Sweet life! It’s the Alder! See the one in all white? Only the Alder wears all white. Marshal Levis, can you stand? You ain’t supposed to sit before the Alder.”

Levis struggled up. Sailors held him erect. The black clad soldiers stopped at diplomatic distance. The two women rode up to the pavilion. Their horses bowed their necks and knelt to allow their riders to easily dismount.

“Alder Sister Orné Ayven,” Mele said in introduction.

The Alder was small and darker skinned than most Hastableners. Her eyes were black. Her face seemed ageless. Her eyes fell on Levis. “Sit, my son.” She came into the pavilion and touched his hand. “You suffer?”

“Yes,” Levis said.

“I know no cure,” she said. “There are herbs that will lessen the pain. I will have some sent to you.”

She turned to Richard. “You are the High Judge. My daughter has told me of the words you have said for peace. I stand by those she has said. Do you stand by yours?”

“Yes, Alder Sister,” Richard said.

“Then peace is made,” the Alder said. “Bring the gifts.”

The Personals brought Mele a sheathed saber and a wooden box. “Morik Ayven, Kepta of Stablen, gives you this saber, that he wore in battle against you, as a vow he will not again raise it to make war on you.” 

The sheath and hilt of the saber were chased in gold. “Mine is a lot plainer, I’m afraid.” Richard handed her his sword. “I give him my sword that I wore in battle against him, as a vow I will not war against him again.”

“Did you ever kill with that weapon?” the Alder asked.

“Yes.”

“Blood for blood,” the Alder said. “It is suitable.”

“Kel Malin gave me that sword,” Richard said.

“The great soldier!” she said. “This is a sword of honor. Most suitable.”

Mele held out the box. “I give this to your wife, to ask forgiveness from her.”

Richard took the box. It was much heavier than its size suggested. He opened it. Gold and jewels flashed in the bright sunlight. “Thank you. I only wish it would bring her to forgive me.”

“My daughter has broken no vows,” the Alder said. “She has been faithful to our ways. She asks only to be forgiven for any offense against yours. Do you love your wife?”

“Yes,” Richard said. “This will hurt her when she hears. And she will hear.”

 “Life is pain,” the Alder said. “And joy. Only loving can make the second greater than the first. You have given your wife pain. Give love for all of your lives, and she will forgive.”

“I hope she will give me a chance.”

The Alder smiled suddenly. “She will. You are a man women love. Just remember: the second and the first.”

The two women mounted their beautiful horses. Richard held Mele’s bridle. “Will I see you again in Wawee?”

“I don’t know,” she said. She wiped her eyes. “Arrivederci, caro.”

“What was that?” Kern said.

“Never thought I’d ever see the Alder,” Yonny said. “Or hear her speak. To Hastableners, she’s the voice of Ayva.”

“I say we do whatever that woman says,” Levis said. “When she touched my hand, my pain went away.”

Yonny nodded. “Don’t think even Morik would dare to break the word of the Alder. You saw what she’s like.”

“Break camp,” Richard ordered Kern. “Get the hell out of here as fast as you can. Before something else happens.”

 The soldiers prepared for their departure. The Ayvantuners were rebuilding parts of their town. Richard and Levis started for the north.

 At Hastamo, Richard and Levis transferred to one of the new warships. Richard dutifully admired the ship’s twenty cannon and inspected the force of marines Levis called sea-soldiers. “Can you set me down at Avenshan? I’m going to ride post-horses to get south as quick as I can.”

            “Hurryin’ to meet your wife?” Levis asked. “You made peace with a whole nation of savages. Think you can do it with a red-headed Hallener woman?”

            “I don’t know,” Richard said. “But I’m going to try.”

            Levis nodded. “The second and the first.”

 Richard rode south, He traveled all day and into the night. All along the way people recognized him and called out. The Judge! The Judge, by God. Is there peace? Is the war done? Yes, Richard said. The soldiers are on the way home. Peace.

He reached the Malins’ house. Sissy came out. “So,” she said, “We heard you made peace. We heard all you been doing.”

Richard grimaced. “Yes. Is Laury here?”

“No. She went up to the mountain cabin. You know why? when she heard about you and that woman, she couldn’t stand other people seeing her. Thought they was all laughing and shaking their heads. I used to wonder if she really cared all that much about you; I thought maybe she was just going along with it. Now I know. It doesn’t hurt that much when you’re just playing.”

 “Yes,” Richard muttered. “I know…”

“Maybe so; maybe not.” She studied him. Her eyes were as blue and cool as Kel’s. “You look terrible. Best get a bath and a shave before you do anything.”

Richard bathed and changed clothes. Sissy was waiting with a big gelding. “He’s my best. You ride him fast.”

“Yes,” Richard said. “I will. Thank you’”

She shrugged. “Ah, well… You ain’t the first man – or woman – to play around. You get on up there and take what you got coming. The sooner Laury gets her mad out on you, the better the chance she’ll hang onto you’”

Richard rode up into the Blue mountains. He reached the cabin in the evening. He unsaddled his horse and busied himself with seeing that it was all right in the little paddock. He approached the cabin with caution.

 Laury was getting Renny ready for bed. They looked at Richard. “There’s daddy. Say hello to daddy.”

Renny heard the tension in Laury’s voice. She shook her head and pressed her face to Laury’s breast. “Smart kid,” Laury muttered. “Sleepy time for you, baby-love.”

 The cabin was one large room and a small one. Laury pushed Renny’s cot into the small one. Renny protested, but Laury shushed her. She closed the door. Richard heard her telling a bedtime story and crooning a soft, formless lullaby.

 He sat on the bed and looked out the window. It was a mountain evening. Gray-toned clouds cloaked the Hightops and piled down over Avenshan. Where the soldiers were marching home. Where Kel lay in his grave.

Laury came in. She closed the door carefully behind her. “Well. How’s your friend? She as good a lay as I am?”

Richard winced. “No.”

 “But you had to try her. ” Renny was in the next room; Laury kept her voice down. The words came out in a hissing whisper. “Because you could. Didn’t you think I’d find out?”

“I didn’t think,” Richard said. “She had suffered so much. She was crying. I had to hold her. Then…”

“You fucked her.” Laury’s face was red. Her pale eyes flashed. “You know I love you, and that… that I can’t get along without it. And you used it. I can almost see you thinking it: I can fuck this woman and still get old Laury back. She’s stuck on me, and besides, where’s she going to find another stud like me?”

“I didn’t think it out like that,” Richard said. “I swear. If I had… You’re right. If I thought that I would lose you I wouldn’t’ve done it.”

“You cheating piece of shit!” Laury was sobbing with rage. “You hurt me.”

She pummeled him with both fists. Richard grabbed her in a bear hug, holding her arms against his chest. She wept. “Why can’t I stop loving you? Why do I have to be the way I am? Why do I have to care? It only makes me hurt.”

“I’m so sorry,” Richard said. “Maybe we should stay apart for a while…”

“None of that bullshit! We’re married – or not. We love one another – or not. All or nothing: and I can’t take nothing.” She reached under the hem of her skirt and jerked her dress over her head. She removed her underclothes. Her skin was flushed; her eyes glittered with angry tears.

Richard covered his face with his hands.

“What the hell! Why’re you covering your eyes? Am I so ugly?”

“No,” Richard whispered. “Because you’re beautiful. Because I love you, and I’m ashamed.”

Laury pulled his hands down. “Then show me. I’m going to see if I can stand you any more. Right now.”

Richard hurriedly got out of his clothes. He did everything he knew to please her. Laury tried to maintain a contemptuous reserve. But her body responded. She struggled to retain her composure. But her face twisted. “You hurt me like nobody ever did. But I can’t help it; I got to have you.” She was sobbing.

“Laury. Please. Please forgive me. I love you.” He kissed her. Laury touched his face. “Tears. Tears on the man of iron. But are they yours or mine?”

 “Both, I guess.”

She sighed and put her arms around his neck. “You guess. Go on, Davy. I need it. I ain’t been able to sleep, since you been gone.”

 Richard made it last as long as he could. Laury’s breathing deepened. She looked at him with tired, half-lidded eyes. “So. It still works.” She fell asleep.

Richard looked at her face. It was smooth and beautiful. But he saw the fine lines on her forehead. Richard drew the blanket over her shoulders. She murmured and moved closer. He held her and looked out the window. The ever-changing clouds lay over Avenshan.

                                                        END

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